Thursday, March 23, 2017

Dogs, Sons, Perfection

It is some kind of national puppy day today. In our house, every day is puppy day. We:
1) make food for our dogs which involves beef, because store-bought food is kind of sketchy
2) put up wth dogs who choose to shit in the hallway instead of outside
3) allow certain dogs bed access
4) just love them so much, unconditionally

Awhile ago,  OK over a year ago, Buster died. He was a Border Collie who loved to run, who herded stones and who could probably outdo Donald Trump in an IQ test.

We have Miles, Zoe and Shasta now. Miles is addicted to running. Since I could find no support groups for Standard Poodles with Running Addiction, I just decided to run with him on a regular basis.

Zoe is old but spry. She does not enjoy exercise. She does enjoy leisurely walks and food.

Shasta has dementia, cataracts and a strong desire to eat. She is old, beautiful and annoying.

Dogs are relegated to pet status. That is, they serve our needs, and we try to make them happy and responsive to our needs. The question that arises for me is why are dogs our minions? Should they be expected to be obedient, unobtrusive. protective, happy to be on leash and polite in the human sense?

I am not sure anymore. I do think that it is nice that they don't kill us, because they could, with those teeth and that strength. But I no longer buy into the idea that they are supposed to be perfect. Dogs are alive, fairly smart except when they are not (and the same could be said for humans), they want a relationship with us and they are not privy to our fickle sense of polite.

As for me, I am glad to be greeted with unequivocal delight when I come home from work, and I appreciate the love of outdoors and running. Also, the dog spine pressed against mine at night is reassuring.

As for sons? Mine is in jail. But let me tell you this: He is not bad. We have decided, as a society, that good equals academic prowess, or athletic prowess or financial prowess. Just look at our current President. He is a billionaire, so we elected him. My son, behind bars, has more smarts than he does, and more compassion. But my son was:
1) adopted
2) bipolar
3) addicted

So, he was written off as less than. Less than Donald Trump, who has demonstrated that being smart, compassionate and self-aware is not a prerequisite to being the leader of the "free world." But we are not really free anymore. If you are Mexican: screw you. If you are from a country on the Muslim travel ban: screw you. If you are poor: screw you. If you are a woman: screw you, literally. If you are a dog? Well, I do not know Trump's stance on dogs, except to say he does not have one and that might be a sign. Dogs smell bullshit from a block away. Trump is mean, uneducated and rich. Dogs prefer nice, well-read and not so rich that they cannot stand some beach sand in the back seat of their car.

I might be biased, as my dogs are especially cool.

Back to my son: our local website (Lost Coast Outpost) that publishes instant news about criminals and local news has declared my son is evil and my husband and I inept. Here is what I have to say:
My son is beautiful.
Drug addiction is harsh.
Mental illness is real.
My husband and I try our best, and have two other kids who are highly successful.
We do not care what you think.
But why do you? And why are you so mean?

Happy National Puppy Day. If you have a dog, remember they are beings who deserve respect apart from us, who have an existence we cannot fathom and who could literally rip our throats out at any second, but choose not to.

Happy Parenting. If you have a child, young or grown, remember they are beings all onto themselves. They try their best, they are struggling to find their place in the world, and academic and athletic prowess is nice but certainly not the be-all, end-all of success. Success is that they go into the world with humility, respect, kindness and hope.

I am an expert. I have kids, dogs, patients and a chronic illness. I love my kids, love my dogs, accept my imperfect body, and continue to get out of bed every day. Yet, I am not an expert, because I never know for sure what I am doing is right. I just want to express love, respect, and hope.

My final piece of advice is this: Trust Beethoven. That guy was deaf but still wrote the best music ever.  He could hear with his soul, and he loved macaroni and cheese. What else do you need to know?

1 comment:

  1. Thankyou for your beauty and honesty
    To the core Jennifer to the core
    I pray for you son and family
    I truly know that most people love to judge and think that you should be doing it their way
    I know your son is smarter than Trump
    Way way smarter and now probably wiser
    His soul is on a journey we do not always understand but we will when we die
    I don't feel so alone or lonely when you speak your truth